Prachibaldua

Hellooooo! Hope y’all are doing good. Been so long that it feels like getting back to something which never begun. Aahh! I missed writing and conveying my thoughts with you through this medium. So let me straightaway bump into the topic of my write up. How fast the n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ life changes after marriage. Isn’t it? Well, we will see to that 😉

“Does it ever drive you crazy, just how fast the night changes?”

It was just a song until my night life changed once I tied the knot last year. Now the question is does it change for good? It’s a bit personal blog as I’ll be updating you with my current life. But I also assure that you too will be able to relate through it in one or the other way. Please share it with your spouse to discuss either before or throughout different stages of your marriage.

Here we go:

Transitioning to a married life

Getting married is one of the huge steps in life transition journey. It’s already been 7 months but I’m still processing the fact that my status has changed from single to married. Not as normal as it sounds like. It could be overwhelming to many. However, with the positive temperament, modesty and on-going communication, it could be one of the most rewarding chapters of your life.

Adapting the newness

Before stepping towards our careers, we’ve have always been taught to adapt the change and newness of that work. Likewise, it’s very vital to psyche your mind for arguments, conflicts and different opinions in a love relationship. Because each one of us is raised differently which shapes the way we interact, behave and value things. Therefore, acknowledging, adjusting and sometimes compromising on these differences become necessary and they must be done with gentleness, understanding and peace.

Pessimistic emotions at its peak

Not every day is a happy day, especially when you are pro at over thinking. I cannot even begin to tell you the amount of emotions I used to or may be still going through. Sleepless nights, unnecessary thoughts, anxiety, crying sessions and sometimes even the inferiority complex haunt me like anything. Not here to scare you but just letting you know that it is very NORMAL. Such negative emotions often hit you whenever you step into a new phase of your life. So take a time out, calm down and reach out to people whom you trust the most. Who me? Well, I always end up eating my husband and mom’s head (that’s also one of my guilty pleasures ;)) They are my unpaid therapists.

Imperfectly perfect life mate

I’m navigating this beautiful journey with the most understanding person ever. Saying all this not because he is my better half, but he genuinely deserves all the credits and appreciation from me. I couldn’t even think of adapting the changes without his support. Putting aside the work responsibilities and other chores, he make sure that I’m doing fine in every possible way. Those small but extra efforts are my prized possessions.  At the end of the day, I have someone who I can rely on. Manifesting this partnership for life because we have a long way to go and this is just a beginning.

“Me” time and boundary

This is one of the most important and easily forgettable factors once you get married, especially females. Even the most extrovert or busiest person would want to unplug and unwind from the world for his/her own betterment. But we as a woman, often forget to take a break and enjoy our own time. While doing things together is good for bonding in a marriage, it is equally crucial to regularly indulge in your own time, space, hobbies and friendships. I’m sure in today’s world of modernization, the idea of “distance creates beauty” works wonders in a marriage as well.

Mindset and Commitment

I always used to think that how am I going to adjust in a new family, at a new place, with the new customs. But lately, I’ve realized that the mindset of embracing change and growing together is another success factor to a happy marriage. Bumps are guaranteed, and learning, adjustments and compromises will be required for a martial bliss. Yet, with the right expectations, attitudes, and action, this new chapter can be beautiful and worth every ups and down for the rest of your lives.

Am I sounding like a marriage counselor? Before you start rolling your eyes, let me clarify that even I’m a newbie for this stage and these are just my initial  thoughts. We never know, what universe has planned for us. We can just hope for something better and happier with each passing day.

Rise in love and see how life changes for good          

That brings you up to speed on my most major life altering event so far this year. And it does change for good if you’ve some amazing people, who you call “family” around you. Now to all the newlyweds or bride/groom to be, it’s your time to pour your heart out. Leave a comment and let me know how you’re feeling about the new changes of your life.

Also, I wish you live happily ever after. Marriage is few of the most beautiful, fulfilling and rewarding journeys in life you can take. So let’s cherish this bond, rise in love and keep celebrating every day. I’ll see you back on the blog soon till then, you see how fast your night  life changes after marriage 😅

 

So finally…. I’m turning 25 in less than 2 days and saying a big hi to my quarter life crisis. But here you won’t be seeing a chronological content. Rather, it would be more about the random notions which keeps popping up in my head on every other day. The depressing thing is, everyone I know (even Google!), tells me how scary it is to turn 25. Well, I beg to differ. In fact, somewhere between finishing high school, going to college and until today, I am sure lots of amazing things have happened for all of us. I’ve mentioned a few life lessons on my 22^nd birthday and now will talk more about experiencing it for real.

Let’s do this!

What is Quarter Life Crisis?

Basically, it is a phrase in our prime where we tried to find our calling. Also, it is a period of insecurity, doubt, and disappointment surrounding our career, relationships, or financial situation. I know that ideally it starts from early 20’s but I believe, you live in a bubble in those initial 4-5 years, assuming that your whole life is going to be this way only. So the real struggle or may be fun starts from here. Of course, your brain does evolve over a period of time but turning a quarter of century makes you realize that you’re no longer living in an illusion of gloomy mindset.

With each year that passes, especially with each year of adulthood that goes by, I’m coming to realize that we’re often just kids inside, with the same hopes, dreams, disappointments, and prayers – it’s just that years happened.

It is never too late or early for anything:

“Done with the studies at the age of 22, now focus on your career for a while and get married at the age of 25”. This is the thought process of most of our elder ones while the blooming generation focuses more on their professional life and “Pehle istmaal kare firr vishwas kare” method 😀 As according to them, marriage is the scariest thing in this whole wide world.

We are surrounded by n number of people, energies and opinions. Due to which, we often feel so trapped that we start getting confused between what people find right for us vs what is actually right for us Nothing is too early or too late to be whoever you want to be. It’s totally your call, how do you want to take your life ahead. I might sound cliché but it’s high time to trust your instincts and follow what your heart says without getting the fear of being judged. You might be wrong but at least you won’t blame others for the same. Age is literally just rotations of the Earth around the sun.

Being sloppy is good at times:

Try not to take life and yourself too seriously. Life is messy and we’re all imperfect. Laugh at the embarrassing moments and don’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself. Make mistakes, cry harder, be cringe. After all, we are still grooming and we only live once so make it count. Damn! I hope I’m not spoiling y’all by my blog :p

All in all, I want to step into my 25^th year with my most favorite people who made me and tenderly holds me and of course, with this new beautiful family of mine who I’m eagerly waiting to spend the rest of my life with. Turning quarter of a century doesn’t have to suck. So it’s time to say Hi to the quarter life c̶r̶i̶s̶i̶s̶  blessing with a bright smile !! 🙂

Let’s have some chit chat in my comment section about any of your memorable birthdays, self conscious emotions, or lessons you’ve learned while growing up.

I’ve been thinking to write on this topic from quite a long but wasn’t able to put into words. So finally here I am, with yet another little reminder on how important it is to think of the ones we have loved and lost, not necessarily to death.

But here’s a disclaimer: It’s not going to be a sad letter for your loved one who you have once wished to be with, rather it’ll highlight the concept of how to move forward in your tough times and be grateful to those who have taught you some painful lessons in your life.

I believe everyone has had their share of loss- more than some and less than others. Love is precious and life is fragile. You can’t have one without the other.

When we lose someone we love, it distorts our universe and our peace, and nothing seems right. There is a future that will never exist and a past that we want to go back to, and we feel like we can’t be further from the present moment and reality. Questions like “why” and “how” keep haunting us but we don’t receive any answers.

However, lately I’ve realized that moving on has nothing to do with the bond you’ve created with a person in the past. It’s more like you meet an anonymous being, vibe with him/her and think of getting along more often. But not everyone is meant to stay. Not everyone will have your back. Love costs so much because it gives so much. This is why, one doesn’t always have to die to make the other drown in grief. But instead of grumbling about it, we should embrace the reality that “the more I love, the more painful will be the loss.”

ACCEPT IT AND FIND PEACE WITHIN:

People are not gone, they are just changed and you’re no longer the part of that change. Nothing is broke or wrong, it’s just different. So instead of making it much harder, accept that what you were trying to cope with was not a loss but a change and find peace all over again. Fun fact: the person who is most scared of changes is putting down about the significance of this universal constant 😀

I know this is not a change that we have anticipated or wanted. We may wonder if we will ever be the same, if we will go back to our old self. But understand the fact that nothing is lost in the universe. Everything is energy and energy is never lost.

I believe that the people we think we lose, transform into something else and move on to the next stage of life. They are still here, but not in the same way as before.

CUT THE BLAMING SESSION:

This is the most common thing we do when we get out from a certain type of a fellowship. I do get it that there might be some level of toxicity, flaw, frustration or even worse than that but try to understand that some people are around to play with us in the sun, while others will weather through storms and seasons with us.

Also, we live in an era where human beings are more complex than any other species. So apparently, one of us is bound to create complications in other’s life. Hence, cut the whole pointless game of blaming each other and learn from your hard lesson. In short, Stop trying to “Undo”. Rather, start “afresh”.

Fortunately, this blog has not much to do with my personal life because I’ve been really grateful to God for giving me the best people who stick by me like a glue . But do let me know in the comment section if there’s someone you’ve loved and lost and how they left a major impact in your life. And most importantly, have you mentally let them go?

The title of this blog is the constant thought which keeps running, or shall I say “ruining” my mind? And I believe, you all will concur me on this. Ever since I started growing up, I’ve realized that whenever there’s a joy of excitement, it mostly ends up being a blunder. This is the core reason why I’m too scared to be happy.

In psychology, it is termed as ‘Cherophobia’. But here, we’ll discuss about it more in a facile manner to not make you yawn :p.

Okay let’s start with some basic instances. We plan for a short trip with our cousins/friends. Everything is set and suddenly you receive a call from one of them, saying that he/she has fallen sick so the plan has to be dropped. Boom!!!!

Want another reality check? You’re all set to nail a presentation after 7 days of hard work including sleepless nights and no social life. But on the D- Day, you get to know that the manager replaces you with one of your colleagues believing that he will create a better impression on the client. Don’t tell me such kind of last minute hustle never happened with you!

There are a lot of negative occurrences as well but I’m too sweet to highlight any of them :p

Whenever I feel happy, I tend to feel sad or scared at the same time because I’m afraid to lose that someone or something that I’m excited about. I start believing that I should not express my happiness in case it upset others. This is blocking our progress in therapy. Isn’t it?

So the questions arises, what do we do if we have a fear of being happy? How to stop this connection and feel pure happiness? Are we over thinking? Is it normal to feel so?

Well… let me just sum up by saying that everything is normal to a certain extent. Once you reach a saturation point, it will start affecting you in a negative way. So lets discuss about how can we create a happy mind and life:

Journaling

This approach is very helpful to make you sleep peacefully. On days when you feel blue, you can read through your gratitude journal to readjust your attitude and remember all the good things in your life. So start penning down your thoughts whenever you feel like doing so.

Relaxation techniques

This is the best way to distract yourself from overthinking. These methods can be of your choice. Be it Yoga, Zumba, hitting the gym, Meditation, or just a casual long walk along with headphones plugged in. Both mental and physical peace are important to keep you distracted from such anxious thoughts

Stick to your psyche

Stop thinking about the outcome before even thinking about the scrutiny. Stick to what you’re feeling. Your happiness doesn’t depend on your irrelevant anticipations.

Live in the moment

Sounds a bit cliché right? But it is indeed the doorway to freedom There is so much clarity, peace and joy in the present moment. To truly let go of the past and stop fearing the future is liberating. So shift your focus from externals and you’ll be better equipped to realize how beautiful your present is.

Final Thoughts

Broadly speaking, happiness and wellbeing are essential components for a successful and fulfilling life. So are you still too scared to be happy? Drop down your comment of how do you deal with this trepidation or let me know if this write up has helped you even a bit, thinking about how to overcome the fear of living a carefree life.

 

Disclaimer: If you’re expecting something meaningful from this blog then kindly overlook it because I’m writing my heart out just to see how many of you also feel the same.

We all go through rough phases in our life.We all have breakdowns after a certain point. We all pretend to be fine but deep down there’s something which bothers us. And that’s exactly when we want someone to say, I’ve got your back!!

It is such a common idiom but the feeling is so surreal when you hear it at your weakest point. You actually feel happy that someone is genuinely there to take care of you. Someone is putting efforts to make sure that you’re okay. Someone is trying his/her best to make you smile even when you don’t want to. And that someone can be your friend, colleague, special one, cousin (exceptions like parents are not included in this list okay? :p)

Past few weeks have been a bit difficult for me. I’ve never felt this pessimistic in my entire 23 years of life. Nevertheless, I always believe that a good life needs some bad days. Hence, I’m not going to make a fuss about it. But all I want to say is I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by those beautiful souls who I can count on for life. They are very few but I’m glad that distance, less communication, silly fights have never affected our bond.

The support people often want is the recognition of their distress. It doesn’t require you to fully understand a problem or provide a solution. Basically a person’s presence is all you need. So when a loved one tells you about challenges they’re going through, they may not need you to jump in and help. Just let them vent their frustration or disappointment and give some soothing acknowledgement in return.

Candid ways to say, “I’m always by your side”

Isn’t it funny, each one of us is already aware about these things but we still choose to turn a blind eye at times! Now stop smiling and start making your close ones feel special! Okay, let me help you a bit. Here are some phrases which are very basic but you will be amazed to see how much positivity it can bring in someone’s life.

• You really impress me
• I believe in you
• I’m always happy to see you
• Remember when you….
• Look, how far you’ve come
• I know you’re capable of more
• You might not realize this, but…
• I understand why you’re feeling so stressed right now.
• I’m there for you

When you validate someone by using such types of expressions, you’re letting them know that you see and understand their perspective. A loved one trying to manage emotional turmoil may have less mental capacity for dealing with their usual responsibilities. So try making a nice gesture no matter if it’s a smaller one because little things always matter in life.

Emotional support isn’t tangible. You can’t see it or hold it in your hands and you may not notice its impact right away, especially if you’re struggling. But it can remind you that others love you, value you and have your back.

So tell me in the comment section who’s got your back? More importantly, whose back do you have? Oh common, share it…he/she also deserves an appreciation post for once 😉

Owing to the fact that we introverts do not easily talk about ourselves in front of a huge crowd, I’m writing this open letter for all those beautiful wallflowers who felt unwanted, unworthy and unnoticed once. But before that, let me share some unknown facts about myself which made me realize that I’m like you.

Since my childhood, I’ve always been surrounded by the number of people around me. Joint Family you see! A pampered kid (but definitely not a spoiled brat😛) whose wishes used to get fulfilled within a shortest span of time. Okay nostalgia is hitting me really hard right now!!!! But while growing up, I realised the value of my own self. I understood that no matter how protected you feel among your loved ones, you’ll have to step out from this inner circle and face reality. And for that, the foremost thing to do is to find your own identity. But during the process, I felt uneasy while expressing my emotions.

I used to have this fear of getting judged easily. “What if they don’t understand my thoughts? What if they feel I’m paranoid as I wasn’t really able to put my feelings into words. What if they get irritated?” Such assumptions used to haunt me like anything. But I was wrong. I was really wrong. Introverts can also be loved. You can also socialize in your own way without feeling awkward.

This might seem as a common thread to be discussed but I think timely reminders are really necessary to make you fall in love with yourself over and over again. So enjoy <3

Dear Introverts,

We probably haven’t talked before but I feel that I know you nonetheless.

I know that at times you felt differently than the other kids, teenagers, men or women.

I know that people have underestimated your strength and intelligence because of your quiet nature.

I know many of them might have misjudged you because you are not very vocal about your opinion.

I know that you have been cornered in a group of folks.

But I  just want to let you know that YOU- just as you- are infinitely more than enough.

In fact, you’re a precious gift in quiet packaging.

Being a wallflower has no effect on how happy or successful you are as long as you see it in the right way. So never ever doubt your own existence.

You have the power to handle things in a mesmerized way. Your demeanor is silent yet loud..slow yet captivating.

One can never catch you losing your cool in public, even on your bad days.

Making purposeful connections involves building deep bonding, and it’s impossible to connect deeply with every single person. The notion is why you are reserved.

People crave comfort in their associations, and this is possible around you due to the gentle spirit which allows you to embrace patience with others.

Hence, trust your vulnerability because it is worth it!

Your twin,

Prachi

If you like this blog, kindly leave a comment below or share it with another lone wolf 🙂

 

 

Before I start this topic let me clear one important point. Though grudge and resentment are similar in books but there’s a bit difference between the two in real world. The former is a deep feeling of dissatisfaction due to betray and is always directed towards people. On the other hand, resentment is a feeling of painful bitterness due to any unfair practice and unlike a grudge, it can be directed towards concepts in addition to people. 

We all have experienced hurt and pain in our lives. Oh! I’ve also been the victim of this. There was a time when I was drowned with betray, questions and negative thoughts. But fortunately, it did not last for long.

Have you ever thought why do we hold grudges when they are quite painful to maintain? Why do we keep hurting ourselves by living in past experiences of pain which prevent new experiences from being able to happen? What keeps us stuck when we want to let go and above all, does it really make sense to hold such kind of intense bitterness?  

CONSEQUENCES

The worst part towards holding hard feelings is that you gradually turn into a bitter person and start yourself wrapping so much up in the negative thoughts that you can’t enjoy the present. A small fight can literally ruin any relation if we don’t allow ourselves to forget and let go. Sometimes people spend ages by hanging onto a particular argument. Even though they may have strong desire and put in concerted effort to move on and start with afresh but they fail. Few things are more daunting than having to speak in front of a large crowd. This issue is one of them. You really can’t express how hard it is to let go for some people.

But what’s the point? You had an argument with someone. You furiously said lot of cruel words which weren’t needed. Now, instead of sorting out, you both decide to part your ways even when you never thought of doing so. And then there comes a time when two of you indulge in thinking what went so wrong that we took this big step? Mental pain is the worst pain one could ever deal with and I hope it is clear after reading the consequences.

HOW TO GET RID OF THIS FEELING?

Grudges don’t make us feel better or heel our hurt. Here are some ways to get a grip on the pain and find the strength to let it go:

• The best way to forget this bitter feeling is to start rewinding good moments happened. Instead of wasting time in recalling why did they do that, start thinking about the good times.
• Acknowledge the problem and understand that everyone feel a pang of remorse. Some people are unable to apologize or may not fully understand that the person they hurt may need to hear one.
• Don’t dwell on it and stop doing a continuous discussion on that topic.
• Understand that not every person is meant to stay. They came, played their role and went back. So take it as a learning experience instead of blaming anyone. Walk away with the better understanding that can help you let go of the issue.
• I know some disputes can never find settlement. And forgiving isn’t the easiest to do especially when you’ve endured a lot of pain and hurt, but it’s the only way to live a peaceful life without disappointments. So forgive and move on.

We are young. We make impulsive decisions. Many of us spend most of our time in thinking what went wrong, instead how to make it right. I was alike you. But not anymore. I understood that you can begin to free yourself when you begin to forgive. And I’ve learned this from my super hero,” My Father”. He has made me realize that we should always choose to create our own healing with or without apology.

So if you’re dealing with such kind of hatred just ask yourself, Is all this making any sense ?

I’m curious what you people think! Feel free to sound off below in the comment section. And remember, no hard feelings for anyone 🙂